As my blog title reflects, life is a learning journey. We never stop learning in life. To spice things up in my life, I like to learn new things, whether towards a job as it was in the past, or for personal development. I am currently doing a course, (that I need to get back into,) for pet sitting. I won’t be doing pet sitting now as self-employment, with having my new job, but I am still doing the course, as it will possibly come in handy later. But also, I will get other things out of it personally.
When you learn something, you are expanding yourself, because you are learning something new. If you are learning something new in a local college/school, you also meet like-minded learners and new friendship can develop. It gives you new confidence too. 🙂
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I have had obstacles that others have created for me and overtime my confidence was taken away. Even though it was taken away and I felt like giving up, somewhere inside of me, I found some strength to carry on. The fighting instinct never goes away and some how, it comes out.
Obstacles now, are the only ones I create, which if self-confidence is low, I can easily create one. There are some other obstacles I may create when I am not done, but I have learnt to be out of my comfort zone now and again.
With me being in a very good job now, where I now feel appreciated, I am at my happiest place I have been for a long time. With work being good and finding the right balance outside of work, my confidence is better and there are no obstacles. The only obstacles are if I create one, which I will not do.
I also have learnt to cut some slack with myself and not be my own worst enemy.
#blurtselfcareathon #theblurtfoundation #mentalhealth #selfcare
I am not happy at times and I can get frustrated, wanting a ‘get out card’ option to be in another job that I enjoy again and where I feel appreciated. It’s clear to me I don’t want to be where I am no more and I have never felt so sure, but I am not in a situation where I can just hand in my notice while I have no other job to go into.
I still have that mind frame where I just want to start afresh; to live in a new area. This gets more stronger when I feel low or depressed.
So if I was to be in a job I felt worthy of, would I still want to get out of the area completely?
I can’t completely answer this, other than if I was not in a job I felt that sucked out my self-esteem, my confidence, my energy and, where I don’t feel me and instead in a job where I felt valued, I know I would feel a completely different person and I would be happier. I know that I would feel that I had more of a balanced life; work I love, my alone time and around friends who I enjoy their company of. But whether that feeling of getting out of Nottinghamshire was still there, I am not sure.
If I could choose where I wanted to live exactly, Brighton comes to mind every time. But this seems an impossible task to achieve currently, because living there seems expensive, but also, how do you move so far away when you need a home. But to get a home, you need a job and vice versa.
The other area where I nearly moved to once, as you know, was Derby, after applying for a job. (But I had no luck with.) This area still stands. There is also another area I like, in Notts, but I am not willing to share with anyone yet what that one is. But it wouldn’t be far away.
I have shared with you in the past my feelings in different situations like work, the feeling of getting out. Also, new plans I hope to do that I felt set with and still do, but then I look again at the other options on top.
Do I come across to my readers as confused, not settled, or just full of options?
Which ever route I take, it is not going to happen quickly as I like and this frustrates me and it can make me feel low and depressed. I know I also feel unsettled and I wish I could permanently shake this off until I am somewhere I feel valued and playing my part.
As you know from this post; I am having no more manual driving lessons, that I am having no more manual driving lessons. As you know, the last lesson I felt I had made two steps back, I had anxiety at a level that was not good and not helped by instructor in what he did on one occasion towards the end, that he did once before in another lesson; pulling me over when I did not hear him say pull over and instead thinking he wanted me to do left turn.
But there was another effect I had from the lesson, that I did not mention in that post, until now.
I am still struggling with keeping my voice. I am assumed this was through anxiety, but I wasn’t sure. But after seeing how I was over the next few days and then looking it up, I see it is. I felt embarrassed by this, but I see from reading it up that I don’t need to be embarrassed. This is a new thing for me where stress has affected my voice and I am still struggling with it as this post goes to air.
I still feel a little down and I have a little anxiety still, especially as I know I will be having my first automatic driving lesson sooner than expected. But I am still determined to drive and if that means driving in an automatic, then so be it. I don’t care. I can see me getting on with it well, when anxiety settles, because of no clutch and gears to worry about. They were a distraction. I have tried my best with a manual, but it is not for me, so bring on automatic.
Thank you for your lovely support, when I announced I was quitting manual for automatic driving lessons and how it affected me, while trying to learn in a manual car. It is very much appreciated.
After this post; Another disappointing blow which I shared my disappointment with you of not getting the job, I have since tried to keep a positive mind. Keeping a positive mind and going to a workplace I find where my self-esteem is challenged because of what has happened in the past and also this year is very tiring. Some days I just don’t want to get up and my anxiety can kick in some way. It’s hard work when you don’t feel appreciated and just don’t have a clue with your own department no more, which has led me to have no faith or trust because of what has happened,past and present. It has been soul-destroying at times and I had to take antidepressants, as well as counselling to help with this and past childhood issues that came out.
So what am I doing to try and keep this positive mind?
- As SummerSHINES mentioned in the above post in my comments, see the job as temporary. This is something I have heard before while having difficult moments and it does help.
- If I want, or need extra hours, then I am going to see this as temporary also. But also I have control in where I would like to clean, by picking of a list that takes my fancy. So I could pick an area where I know it will only be me cleaning it, if I wanted.
- Try to make sure I continue to practice self-care.
- Continue with my current studies and enjoy the moment and experience.
- Continue to enjoy the experience of my driving lessons and look forward to what the future can bring with this.
- Continue to do things that will take me outside my comfort zone, when I can.