Further email sent to councillor

Since this “Email I sent to local Councillor,“which as I mentioned in another post somewhere, I received an acknowledgement to it, but a longer email would be given later. I am still waiting for that longer email and as you know from a post before, today, it is one year to losing my cousin and her husband.

Another email was sent yesterday, as it was 6th August, I last heard.

Hi (name withheld)

6th August was the last time I heard from you. Tomorrow is one year from losing Sandra and Michael (last name and area witheld).

I have not forgotten. But have you?

If you are seriously waiting for certain papers before you can proceed further than you need to chase them up. Especially when since then, there have been two other incidents.

How long are we all supposed to wait for 30mph sign to be erected in (area witheld)? How many more incidents have to happen, or deaths? How would you feel it was your family that died there, instead of Sandra and Michael (last name witheld)? Would it change things? Would things move quicker?

I am not happy that you are taking this long about creating some action and getting this 30mph sign up and making it more clear the speed you should be doing!

I want action. Not just words. Until action is created, your words are now of little comfort, because you are taking this long to acknowledge any further in this email and on (details witheld.)

Regards

(My name at the end.)

One year today, since you are both gone.

candle

One year today, in the afternoon, since you were both taken from our lives.

I will never forget the day I discovered you were both taken by a careless driver, as you walked home together with your shopping. Finding out the next day via media, my heart ripped apart.
As well as the careless driver to blame, the road is too, for not being marked properly in the direction the driver came, but also for speed limit known for that road, as it has been proven how that road should not be at that speed limit, because you will lose control of your car before reaching it.

The village have got together for you both. Fighting again, to bring the speed limit down and for clear markings, as well as other proposals. As well as the village, I am waiting and I will be proactive also, to see the road speed reduced. I won’t stop until I see it 30mph. It won’t bring you both back, but it means no one else has to go through losing loved ones on that road, like we did.

You may be gone, but you are not forgotten.

Christmas for me, will be like any other year, before you were both taken, which is nothing special, than just relaxing. But Christmas this year for me will be different, as I will be living in Mansfield before then. So when I put up my Christmas tree this year, it will be for you two and to mark a new year for me of further positive changes to come and what ever else it may bring.

RIP Sandra and Michael xxx

Life is a rollercoaster

I’m sure like me, you have heard the phrase “life is like a rollercoaster.” This past year, I feel I can use this phrase. Lots of things have happened, that have been good and bad. I have had to give myself extra self-care more than normal, which for a while has been on a daily basis. After my emotional week recently, that I talked about in this post; “Feeling emotional,” I have had to make sure I do keep giving myself self-care, appropriate for the situation.
Some self-care I have been doing is spending lots of time at the library this week. This will continue into next week on free days I will have, prior to work. I am out of internet as well, until the 4th October, so I am taking advantage of their WiFi too.
Some days have been colouring, or doodling, as I recently shared in a post.
At work, before work starts, I sit in a place away from others on odd days, for some quiet.

Anxiety has creeped in the last couple of days, but I feel I have it under control with slow deep breaths, touching things that help me relax and drinking tea, or hot chocolate.

This morning, while at the library, I chose to quickly flick through a book that caught my eye. The book was called, “Courage, 50 Mindfulness and Relaxation Exercises to Improve Your Confidence,” by Dr. Arlene K. Unger. Flicking through the book I see I am either doing some of these things already, or something I plan to do next.
But there was one thing that caught my eye in particular. I thought I would share it here with you, because I know there are readers like me that write either on their blog, or in a journal what they are grateful for the day and I thought you might be interested. I see it as something we could all give a go at, whether you practice gratitude, or not.
Would you like a challenge? Then keep reading.

This excerpt is from page 71, of the book:

“Write the alphabet on a sheet of paper. For each letter, challenge yourself to come up with something to be grateful for. (When you get to X and Z, just find something that contains those letters rather than words that start with them.)”

So are you going to have a go, with this challenge?

If you do, then when you have a go, either write yours for in a comment in this post.
Or if you are going to write this challenge up on your own blog, then tag this actual post.
Please , if you do tag me, that you make sure you tag using this post and not the whole of my blog, because that way I won’t miss your post. (Realistically, I shouldn’t.) Past challenges where I have found people to have joined in have not tagged me this way and I only happened to have spotted that they had joined in because I was scrolling in my reader far enough. I could have so easily missed.

I will share mine, once I have done it, in a separate post.

Feeling emotional

For the last few days on and off, I have been feeling emotional. Last night, it came in a big wave and I got up this morning when I woke up, so it meant I lied in bed longer than usual, this morning.
This morning I still feel tearful and not good, but I have come out to the library to use their WiFi and for distraction.
It will be a year on 14th October since losing my cousin; Sandra and her husband; Michael, to a careless driver. I have a post that will air that afternoon, that I have written just a couple of days ago.
It doesn’t seem a year that they will be gone, but then it had been dragged on from last year with everyone looking into this, followed by court this year.

I did not think I would expect a big wave of emotions like this again, but with happy memories of Miley my cat I was thinking of, that departed from this world in March, along with moving at some point in October, I suppose it was to happen.

This year has been a mixture of highs and lows for me and the year has just flew by more than any other. I have had a lot to take in this year, but as my afternoon post will express, on the 14th October, I have a lot to look forward to when I move. I am also positive on the year ahead to come.

Reflections since as the healing journey continues

Come this Friday, it will be two weeks since the court case. (Post here on that for new followers to my blog, or in case you missed it.) As I said in this post, my painful healing journey starts.
The first week was very painful and dark. Towards the end of that week, I started to laugh with the ladies at work, whether banter was started by them, or at times, myself. But laughing was painful. I could feel deep pain inside me, even though I was laughing. As you know from the second post link, if you have read this before, I had a day trip to Twycross Zoo and I had to make myself go. Even when I was there, I found after a couple of hours that I really wanted to go home, until I hung around the monkeys, watching them. They helped pass the time with their antics and made it a little more bearable. But by the afternoon I really wanted to go and I was outside the zoo till the coach arrived.

After my day trip at Oxford last Saturday, I felt more relaxed I noticed and I felt like I had a holiday for a week, not a day trip,because I felt so refreshed. So I think this was where my moods changed for the better.

There are times I am hit by waves unexpectedly. Each a different size wave from the other, with the occasional dark cloud. I am feeling a little emotional as I write this. I know getting over this will take time, because I have been through difficult times before and I got through them.

As I think more about the person who’s careless driving caused their deaths. As much as I know he is suffering and never will forget that day, I still think he should have had a jail sentence. Not the ten years for each person as originally I felt, but the six months he narrowly missed. But this cannot be changed.

I heard from the local Councillor. He plans to email me back with a full detailed response later, but until then, he felt also best to email me now with something in short. I will share these responses later in a post of its own after, hearing from him later.

 

 

My happy memories with my cousin and her husband

These happy memories were painful, as I wrote these down with my Sharpie pens. I had to stop and return to it another day, as I mentioned in “The painful healing journey starts.”

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Looking at this again, although it still hurts, it’s not as painful as it was when I first started writing this.

My happy memories, with Sandra and Michael

  • In the car with Sandra. ‘Showaddywaddy,’ is playing. I get Sandra to fast forward to ‘Hey Rock  ‘n’ Roll,’ so the music is turned up and we could throw our hand in the air to the bump bump bump of the drum, in the chorus part. While we are doing this in the car park of a pub, Michael is sitting on the wall with day and they are laughing.
  • Polishing for Sandra, with her brass, on her brass ornaments and on the bottom of her lamp.
  • Having weekends at their house.
  • Having week’s on ends, in the school holidays.
  • Knowing the love they had, for children.
  • Chats with Michael.
  • Chats with Sandra.
  • The laughs with them both.
  • Sandra’s baked dumplings.
  • Chippy night.
  • Seeing part of a farm with Michael.
  • Decorating their Christmas tree a couple of times.
  • Day trips out.
  • The car rides.
  • Doing odd bits of cleaning for Sandra.
  • Seeing Sandra’s work place.
  • Decorating for them.
  • Michael’s perfect ‘dippy’ boiled egg, for breakfast.
  • Their smiles. I will never forget their smiles.

How I feel

Because of my recent posts where I have possibly been vague and short to the point, which is not my usual writing style, due to watching what I actually say, I know I will have a few concerned readers. I thank you for your concerns, but I will be ok, just a few emotions have been stirred up and I am using what helps to ease my anxiety, like walks out, or colouring. I am just watchful what I say about all this now, as I do want to protect my family. So I have been thinking about how I could write to reassure you, while avoiding details about the court case to come. So this is that post.

It’s been a long wait as you know, for this to come. I have never been angry about the person who killed my two beloved family members, but I do want to see justice served.
Having anger will hurt yourself more in the long run, than anyone else and my mum is experiencing this anger, since the day we learnt of their deaths.
I was distraught when I found out about their deaths, the day after it happened via the online, local newspaper and I will never forget that day I found out this way. It felt like I was in a nightmare and at times it still does, knowing I won’t see them again.
Emotions are now stirred again; feeling tearful and anxiety.

I want to attend this court hearing, to see the person who killed them. I want to see his face and watch him, to see if he looks and feels remorseful.
He is a very young man, who only passed his test three weeks prior to that fatal day.
I hope that by being in court, I will get further answers to that day, but I know it won’t be nice hearing and I shall spare those details here. But the paramedic who was first on scene, it affected him. That is how bad this accident was and this is why I want justice served.
I already know how hurt my cousin was and it shocked me to the core. I felt the colour drain from my face, as I heard this from a friend, which I think was about a week or so later, after the accident. She stopped mid way as she was just going to say how my cousin’s husband was hurt. I don’t think she realised what she was doing and my face probably said it all, hence I did not hear the rest. So I guess I will and I am prepared the best I can be, should I hear this in court. Or can you ever prepare yourself for something like this?

I know my mum is interested in attending court. But she does not know these awful details, other than it was bad and so I don’t want her to attend, because I would be concerned how it would affect her. Mum does not use any coping strategies, as you know and her mental health can be much worser than mine, given her past history. But how she is now, the last few years, even more so, I would feel uncomfortable about her attending, which would spark my anxiety more. So I hope she will stay at home and say no more about it.

Three families are affected since that fatal day; Us, who lost two family members at the same time. The family on my cousin’s husband side, as well as knowing my cousin too. So double-effect for them too, like us. And the family that are related to this young man who killed them.
Our lives will never be the same again.

The speed limit needs to be 30 mph

My cousin and her husband were hit on a road not far from where they lived. A road where a speed limit needs to be brought way down and the local people have campaigned for this speed limit to be brought down, for years. They are still currently campaigning, with petitions already long ago sent in, after their deaths. They would like to see it 30 mph all the way through and I totally agree with them, along with other measures they are after.
I hope the people who receive these petitions and the campaign from these locals finally listen to them and change the speed limit. That road is awful and when you are on a pavement and a car goes speeding by, you are still at risk, because you feel the drag of that car passing you by, pulling you into the road. I know, I have walked this road many times from my teens, to an adult and I have had some scary experiences.
If the people who receive these petitions and campaign still don’t listen and act, then this is where I will be angry. Their deaths should not have happened and I, like the locals there, do not want to see anymore killed on that road.

 

Thank you once again, for your concerns and support. x