I really wish others knew this about me…

I’m not boring and I am approachable

People in the past and some probably now, not that I don’t care what others think now like I once did, but some thought I was going to be boring. These were proved wrong and they held their hands up to their wrong assumptions. The conclusion to why they thought I would be boring, was because of me being quiet and also how I was dressed, as this particular occasion was my hen night, all those years ago. (The first relationship, that I was abused in.)
I would like you to know that I am not boring because I am quiet to start with and you will find me approachable, should you choose to speak to me. We may even find common ground.

I do have a sense of humour

Just because you may find me quiet at first, as I have mentioned​ above, when it comes to talking to me, you will also discover I do have a sense of humour.

I people watch

I people watch sometimes. Imagining what they may be like. Observing their relationships with their family, or friends.
I especially like seeing elderly couples holding hands, while walking in the street. It’s so lovely to see and I wonder just how many years they may have been together.

Just because I have an invisible disability, doesn’t mean it don’t exist.

I am deaf and, I have depression and anxiety.

Unless my hair is tied up, you won’t see my hearing aids, until I mention I have a hearing loss.
People say, ‘ I speak ok,’ but like my hidden disability, it doesn’t mean I am not deaf. I am deaf, but to hear you better, I have to see your face to lipread, while hearing what I can with my hearing aids.
I would also like to add that my hearing aids assist me, but they don’t magically give back my hearing I once had. I also watch your face expression and your body language.
I will need you to be patient with me, as I may need you to repeat if I miss something and I will be very appreciative of this.
I will be able to tell if you don’t have the patience to chat with me, don’t want to be there in general. I may also pick up on if you are not feeling yourself, which if I do, I am known to ask if you are ok

Depression is another invisible disability. On the surface, I may seem fine to you, but underneath, I could be the total opposite.
My depression is not bad like it used to be. Being in a new job has helped greatly, as well as counselling for other matters already blogged about here.

I have anxiety and depending how it is, you may see it, or you may not. Again, like my depression, it’s not bad as it was, but it does like to creep up more, than my depression.

I can sketch

From the age of 9 to early 20’s, I was regular sitting at a table sketching. After that, I stopped, until the artist side of me crept out again with ‘Sharpie Sunday’s‘ and other prompts. Although it’s not got me back to my sketching route I once did. I would like to though.
I am not saying I am good to sell as an artist, but if I had kept it up as I once did, then they may have been.

One time, I couldn’t look in a full-length mirror

I hated looking at myself in a full-length mirror one time. This started after I left the first relationship. Although I don’t own a full-length mirror still, I know I wouldn’t have a problem looking in one.

I give 100% in the workplace

I give 100% in the workplace, but sometimes I will give a 110%, because I love my workplace so much.

What do you wish others knew about you?

Book review: “Depression is a liar,” by Danny Baker

Danny Baker written this book almost two years after his last depression episode. The book is about everything he has felt and experienced with his struggles, to eventually his triumph over his depression.
Danny Baker wanted to tell his story, so that other people with depression will realise they are not alone and that there is recovery. He also wanted to share his lessons he’d learnt along the way, that eventually led to his recovery.
For four years he suffered from life-threatening bouts of depression, which led to alcoholism, drug abuse, medicine-induced psychosis and multiple hospitalisations. Since his recovery, these days he’s happy, healthy and loves life.

Reading this book you get to learn about what a person can feel when depression takes hold. As in this case, you are learning how Danny Baker felt and his experiences.
For those who have never experienced depression before, this book will raise awareness.
For those of us that have suffered depression of different degrees, you may relate to this book; the struggles getting out of bed, struggling with life, being a huge self-critic and low self-esteem, are just some of the examples.

Danny Baker has a website where you can find out more about him and further books he has written. This can be found at www.dannybakerwrites.comwww.dannybakerwrites.com

(This post review is my own personal review. I have not been asked to write this.)

Blog post share: “Shhh… That is stigma,” by Susan Walz.

A blog post share, called “Shhh… That is stigma,” by Susan Walz, at The Bipolar Writer. Susan Walz writes to share how damaging telling someone to Shhh can be, when talking about your own mental illness and not feeling supported.

You will find her post here: https://jamesedgarskye.com/2018/05/27/shhh-that-is-stigma/

Post share: Debunking the myths by The Blurt Foundation

I felt I needed to share this as I have heard some of these be said to, like for example that “depression is a choice,” when actually this is not true. Depression is not a choice, because if it was, we would not want it. So to debunk these myths and to help spread awareness, this is why I share this post, that will take you to The Blurt Foundation post.

https://www.blurtitout.org/2017/02/17/depression-debunking-the-myths/

Coming off my antidepressants

As I said in this post; “Chit-chat April,” I would talk separately a little further, about me coming off my antidepressants. I have been on Sertraline 50mg for over 2 years. During that time, there have been occasions with support of my doctor to lower them, so I would eventually come off them.
From November 2016, I started to take one every other day, but in June 2017, I was back to one a day, after my review with my doctor. (I was at the dose of one every other day at that point still.) My doctor was hoping originally at this point for me to come off them, but when I explained about work, (the old place that I have finally left,) and how it was making me feel, which made me concerned because I was also learning to drive and I did not want to have my ‘wobble,’ he let me stay on them, but back at one a day. When I was ready to, I could go back to one every other day and keep lowering when I felt right to.
At the time I was deciding to start one every other day again, I received the devastating news about my cousin and her husband, so I knew this would not be a wise time to start. I then days after the funeral, find out about the disgusting truth of an ex, so as much as reducing was on my mind, I knew this was still not the right time.

After the first week of my new job, I decided now was the time to go one every other day. I stayed at this dosage for the rest of the first month of the new year and I felt great, so I decided to take one every two days, after that. Again, I felt great and so it went to every three days.
Near the end of March, I started to take my tablet every four days which then the withdrawal side effects were showing, after first week of doing this. I knew I was stable, but I did not quite feel right and my balance mainly felt really off. I looked it up and apparently other people have felt off-balance when coming off them.
Later, which at this stage I had been on this dosage now for just over a week with same symptoms but not feeling any worser I decided at this point, I wasn’t going to continue at this dosage. So I stopped and just let my symptoms ride out. My last antidepressant taken  was on 4th April 2018. The side effects that I could not describe went on for another week and sometimes I found it was best to just be by myself at the odd times, as I was a touch sensitive I noticed at times. In total, the worst of it was gone in two weeks, so not as long as I thought it would last. This left only my balance issue, which is now easing off I have noticed this past week. I am feeling good, I am happy and feeling positive, which I know from my readers, that this has shown already in my past posts. 🙂

As I have mentioned before in another post, do not come off any of your medication without first seeking advice from your doctor. My medication was only for short-term use, which I ended up being on it longer, due to my personal mental health issues.

Some of the withdrawal effects include:

  • dizziness or headaches
  • tingling feelings like pins and needles or numbness
  • sleep disturbances (vivid dreams, nightmares, not being able to sleep)
  • feeling anxious or agitated
  • feeling sick or being sick
  • shaking

These symptoms should go after 2-3 weeks for most people, but a few people can get 2-3 months or more.
Most people get mild symptoms, but for a very few people they can be very intense.

I would like to add that coming off medication is not for everyone and not everyone can do this. As much as my mum would like to come off hers, she can’t, because she has been on them all her life. This is why you must always speak to your doctor, who can advise, help and support you. Do not do anything rash, as this can make you ill.

Day 20 of the #blurtselfcareathon – Letter

Writing letters have been part of my self-care, while having counselling 2 years ago. It was a new way of trying things for me, which at first, I thought this would not work. But I gave it a go and realised just how helpful it was to me.  So without explaining further in this post, I thought I would share some old posts instead.

The post, “Continuing forward in my wellbeing journey” and “Continuing forward in my wellbeing journey – the next part,” were in the early days of blogging, so these posts comes with a content warning. The posts do not show my actual letters I written to my dad, or my dog Brin, as these were very personal to me and the start of my healing journey. But it explains my process with this. Since then, I have used the letter writing technique and those I have shared on my blog. These I share below, as a reminder:

 

#blurtselfcareathon #theblurtfoundation #mentalhealth #selfcare