As a survivor of abuse. – If you ask me to forgive, you are not helping.

After reading Imani’s post today, I felt inspired to write my own post on this topic. But do visit Imani’s post on her own views too, “The ‘F’ word – for abuse survivors.’ By reading our posts, I want you to understand why you have to be careful and avoid saying these words. It does not work for us all.

So back to my views, as my personal story is very different from Imani’s. But my view on this topic is very much the same.

  • Don’t tell me to forgive.
  • Don’t tell me to forgive because it will lessen my pain.
  • Don’t tell me to forgive and say, “I’m not saying that what that person did was acceptable, it’s just so you can let go and move on.”

It doesn’t matter how you place, or rephrase your words, if you mention anywhere in the conversation that I am to forgive, you are definitely not helping me. 

As I said on Imani’s post, I totally agree with you Imani. I hate this word too.

I have not had childhood abuse to the extent as you have, but there are things that have happened and as I have blogged about in my childhood, my 20’s and now discovered 40’s. There is no way I could forgive. I don’t need to forgive to heal, as I have had other ways over the years to heal.

To be told to forgive someone who gave trauma to me and the latest I found out last year, who played a part in trauma to someone else and I learn it happened in the whole time I was with that person, that it re-triggers my past trauma in my 20’s, there is no way I will forgive.

It makes my blood boil to have someone tell me to forgive and only slows down my healing journey.

As I mentioned, in that above comment over at Imani’s post, it makes my blood boil and it only slows down my healing.
The damage will always be there for me, but using the things I learnt in my counselling session, along with the things I do, to help me heal is what I need to do, to lessen the pain and heal. Unlike Imani, I do not appreciate your words when you make what ever comment, with forgiveness somewhere inside that comment. No, I do not appreciate it. (A repeat to make sure you read it right, the first time.) Even counsellors do not say this.

Now you have read my post, if you have not done so, do read Imani’s please. It is important for everyone to educate themselves in choices of words. Not everyone wants to be told to forgive the person that harmed you, for moving forward etc.

Blog post re-share: The Perks of Being Alone – a Short Essay about Self-empowerment

A blog post re-share, about those that choose to be alone. The benefits of being alone and how we improve our self-esteem. It’s a personal journey for those that choose to live alone and coming across this post in my reader, because I follow this blog. I found this blog post a great, inspirational read. It is nice to read someone else’s positive perspectives on living alone.

JGC Blog - Culture is not one thing. It's Everything.

Hello Everyone and Welcome to JGC Blog.

Today, I want to talk about the positive aspects of being alone and how those aspects can lead to self-empowerment.

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Blog post re-share: Stop saying “Committed Suicide.”

I have to say that I have used the word one time, when talking about this subject, “Committed Suicide.” But I basically had said what I had read, when talking about it once, to someone.
I wanted to share this post that talks about why we should be careful with our words and not say “Committed Suicide,” but instead say, “died by suicide.” After reading this post, you will understand why it is appropriate  to say “died by suicide.”

Please read:

Blog post share: “Shhh… That is stigma,” by Susan Walz.

A blog post share, called “Shhh… That is stigma,” by Susan Walz, at The Bipolar Writer. Susan Walz writes to share how damaging telling someone to Shhh can be, when talking about your own mental illness and not feeling supported.

You will find her post here:

Post share: Debunking the myths by The Blurt Foundation

I felt I needed to share this as I have heard some of these be said to, like for example that “depression is a choice,” when actually this is not true. Depression is not a choice, because if it was, we would not want it. So to debunk these myths and to help spread awareness, this is why I share this post, that will take you to The Blurt Foundation post.

Day 21 of the #blurtselfcareathon – Talk

We need to talk about mental health, to help break the stigma. Talking about mental health, should be as easy as talking about a broken bone.

Over the years, because people talk about mental health more openly, it has got better, but there is still more way to go. Little things happen around the world, that show we are not quite there yet and treated the same as a broken bone for example. There is still stigma in the workplace, for example. There are still times we feel we cannot speak to certain people about it.

Just because mental health is different to a broken bone, doesn’t mean we are not in great pain with it.

Anyone can be affected by mental health at sometime in their life, whether you are rich, or poor. Mental health affects us all differently, so you cannot compare. But those of us that have some kind of mental health difficulty can show empathy to the next one, because we feel that pain.

I hope by me blogging and sharing my own personal experiences, it helps the next person, as well as spreading awareness. I am aware my blog does do this, as I have been told several times in some way.

Please don’t treat someone with mental health differently. We don’t expect you to understand, but just listening can help. Listening is the most important tool.

#blurtselfcareathon #theblurtfoundation #mentalhealth #selfcare