Continuing self-care and the flat

So with anxiety still creeping in at times, which I am hating right now, as I deal with this flat I may move into.
I am liking everything I hear so far and once I have something in writing, which is regards to the ceiling in the flat showing a long crack, which is probably subsidence, that I would like to be fixed. So if the landlord does this, I will know he is a good landlord.
I also waiting on queries about some other fees I seen on estate agents website, which the woman I am communicating with, has not worked there long, so she will get back to me on this, when she asks them about that.
There is also something I know that they do, that I have not come across before, hence asking lots of questions so I understand how that works.

The self-care I give myself, I see will continue greatly, due to my anxiety creeping in, since Friday and deciding to stay.

I had to go to bed early last night, as I had a really bad headache that felt it was creeping to migraine. I have not done myself any favours though, as I ate more chocolate than normal and it can, if I eat a fair amount in a sitting, give me a migraine.

I woke up with bruising on my right arm. The bruising will be from Saturday. I have gripped my arm that much through anxiety, I have bruised myself. I have done this before, but a very long time ago.
As before when I once done it and now this time, I was never aware of me doing this. But I have the bruise to show.

As I finish off writing this post, which has been created slowly over the last few hours, my sickness has gone, as well as the headache. The anxiety is still there though.
I thought my anxiety had calmed a little since making it known in an email Friday and a couple of emails today, that I am interested in the property. I will let the estate agents know what ever I decide, when they have updated me accordingly.
The anxiety creeps in big time, at times. So I am hoping what ever the decision I make, it calms down.

Blog post re-share: Anxiety “Hot Spots”

Here is something that is visually helpful. Although I am aware of these anxiety hot spots, I have never seen it presented this way before, which makes it better reading, I think. 😊

Living Resiliently Blog

When I get stressed (as I am right now. I’ve been having them more frequently like I did in my childhood) my stomach hurts so much…as if I’m about to develop an ulcer or something. When you’re in the heat of the moment, it’s hard to tell how “tightly” you are clinching the rest of your body….until after the fact. So how do you unwind yourself after undergoing such a stressful moment, especially if the stress is still causing your body deep discomfort?

Well, I found this online on “Instagram” in hopes that it well you as it’s helping me (I’m trying the letting go “of gripping in your stomach” right now. It feels good, but my stomach hurts!). Also if you have a picture to “see” where the pain is, instead of just feeling it—’cause sometimes feeling it makes it well…worse—it can help you better tend to your pain…

View original post 26 more words

A lot of self-care

Since these two posts, “A slow start” and “I just wanted to give you an update, after my earlier post today,” I have been giving myself more self-care than normal.
It took about a week for the tiredness to go completely. Originally, I thought it was disappearing before but I go out on a good morning and a few hours later, the tiredness would creep up again.

Self care has varied each day to what I do and I have been giving myself self-care, for over a week now.
Mostly I have been reading, with some DVD’s in between. There have been a couple of occasions where I have baked. One was apple crumble and the other baking shortbread.
I have had extra soaks in the bath and some slow walks out on the odd days.

All this week has been my annual leave from work.
Today, was going to be a PJ day. But that changed by lunchtime. As I write at this point in my post, the anxiety and adrenaline rush has just gone thankfully. This was due to me getting washed, dressed and out the door to the flat I was viewing. I had just under a couple of hours to get there. I am now spending the rest of my time at home​ doing nothing, other than watch a film and cook something else to eat, with only so much of my lunch I had to leave being edible when I came back.

As for the flat I seen, when I arrived there, like other flats like it, outside not maintained much, but inside, the flat itself nice. Also, making my way up to the flat, my asthma was not affected, as the corridor was not dusty, or musty, like another flat of similar style I seen. The flat is a bit smaller than I imagined, but doable. I am currently thinking about it, but considering and I have sent a further email of query about their fees, as well as something else in addition to my questions I had in the flat.
The bloke who shown me around from the estate agents was knowledgeable, pleasant and not pushy as I looked around deciding on it. I have not use these estate agents before, but they have left a good impression with me.
The view from the flat is lovely, considering where it is. I feel I am in a different place to where it actually is. My mum would probably have a different view and if I took it and she gets negative, the first thing I shall say is, “Who lives here?”

Chit-chat July

Since “Just a chit-chat,” I have got rid of my microwave that I no longer wanted, as I started to feel even more not wanting it in my kitchen.
Although I commented in that post how I would get a toaster, I have not done this and don’t plan to do so anytime soon. This is because I have managed so far without one and although I have missed having one a little bit, I wonder do I really need one. So I will see how I feel about this for a bit.

Anxiety

Since my ‘Anxiety‘ post in June, I have the following words from Letitgocoach, on my computer screen: “Inhale peace and exhale all your anxiousness. Imagine it flowing out of you on every exhale.”

Sticky note on my computer with the following words

Those words really helped to calm my anxiety in the end and by having these words at my computer screen, serve as a daily reminder.

Plants

My Parlour Palm I have moved to a new place, in case here will be better for it, due to it receiving more natural light. No direct sun comes through my window, so no chance of it being caught.
This would have gone on a small folding table, which it was the folding table I had returned back that day I posted the ‘Anxiety’ post, I mentioned above.
I should have never took the folding table with me, because it was obvious it had been used prior to me and I could see the two out of four plastic feet were missing. I took it in the end, because I thought I would get the parts from the company when emailing, but it turned out I was wrong. I could no be bothered to make another reservation for another, to collect when taking this one back, over the two missing plastic feet that I needed, to make sure I protected my laminate floor. So I asked for a refund.
I now have my plant on a plastic storage box, that I don’t often go in and I think it looks fine on that. I have no intentions of looking for another table, as I am happy with this, so I have saved some money.

My Spider Plant has been re-potted and has had some babies, for some time. (Spiderettes.) These spiderettes will have already been re potted, by the time this post airs. 🙂

Spider Plant with Spiderettes

You will see in this post; “Bringing some greenery into my life,” when I first shown you these two plants.

Loving my ‘2cellos’ cd

The album, ‘Score,’ by ‘2Cellos,’ I am really enjoying listening to and it’s relaxing as well. I shall be looking at their other albums, to see if any take my fancy later. If there are, when I next buy one, this could be at least 2 months down the line, otherwise I will treat myself nearer to Christmas.

Rent or buy

Since this post “Should I look into buying, instead of renting?” I have decided for now, to carry on renting.
I did not enquire with a mortgage advisor to see if it was possible now, to get a mortgage, or not, as I have decided that should I buy, I would like to put down a much bigger deposit, to reduce the amount I would owe.
After looking at my breakdown sheet, that I created some months ago,for my savings, I realise that this will take some more years. Longer than anticipated.
I will move first into another rented property, so I can downsize and save more and to be in the area that I want to be in. It would be just lovely, if I was in a council place. This is more likely to happen than the chance of buying I feel. I may choose not to buy, if it worked out alright and I was happy there. I know renting in a council property would feel more like home, than private renting.
If I choose not to buy later down the line, or for what ever reason, then I have savings to enjoy and go on holidays. I know as it is just me and no one else, that the house would not have nowhere to go, when I am gone, (I’d do a will, where proceeds of house sale would go to Cats Protection League, in Mansfield) and after reading up elsewhere of someones views on why she decided not to buy, I may in the end do the same. But whatever I do, even after reading her views and as I write this, my heart is strongly saying buy a home, unless off course I get a council place. That would feel like home too.
So while I think about this more, I will just save for what ever may come, or for that much bigger deposit I prefer to put down. 🙂

My mum

Mum seen the doctor that her own doctor referred her to. This doctor has changed her meds slightly. She has to take a little less what she is currently on and take the new ones prescribed at a dose she has been told.
A nurse had been arranged to see her at home. (I don’t know if this is a regular thing, or not.) But the nurse would like to see her again and this appointment will be before she sees the doctor again.
Mum said after all this one was done, she asked the doctor should she still have her counselling? The doctor apparently said no. I don’t know if this is true or not, or she read into the reply wrong, but stern words were said by me, to my mum, in regards of, don’t you cancel again. You do need it and you know you need it. Remember how I was before and after my counselling, to see how mine helped, so make sure you go and see it through. She said she will. I said her tablets are not a fix all, but they help. Make better use of what they can do and have the counselling.
I still continue to see mum fortnightly, with exception of the odd extra day now and again, when I call to her home. I keep in touch with texts between visits.

I have also managed to get my mum not to sit in court and watch the proceedings, after having another chat with her.
I mentioned to her that if there was anything she needed to know, to ask me and I could tell her without her having to listen to stuff that won’t be nice to hear.
Mum did not realise that the person first on scene would possibly have to give evidence and I said yes, there may be that and possibly more. It would’nt be a fair trial if everyone did not have the chance to tell their side on things. I said we might know things are bad, but I said to her, you have not heard already what I have partly heard and it’s not nice to hear. Even more so, for this medical professional who is more likely going to have to talk about it, being first on scene, it makes more the real and hard to hear it from them. Mum then realised with that and other proceedings she wasn’t aware of, that maybe it wasn’t best for her.
I explained to mum the reasons why I was going, which I know mum would have wanted to be there for same, or similar reasons. But mum can get those from me, without hearing the unpleasantly stuff.

As I continue to see mum fortnightly, on Tuesday’s, my volunteering role I do, when it doesn’t land on the day I meet my mum, I stay the extra hour longer, if help is required. Which mostly it is.

A note from me:

Due to me attending court, to see justice served for the death of my cousin and her husband, there may be a delay in your posts showing and me responding to them.

Anxiety

Today, my anxiety is showing. It started off small, but then while dealing with something else, it was worse.  What I was dealing with today was something simple that I had to be assertive with. Being assertive was what brought the anxiety out more. This surprised me, because usually when I take something back to a shop that I am not happy with, I usually manage. But then it has been some years in taking something back to a shop and I don’t think I would have had the anxiety then. I don’t think it would have shown to the person serving me, but I felt it.
I am now calming myself down, having lunch and a pot of tea. Maybe when I have finished this pot of tea, my anxiety will gone, or hardly there.

Coming off my antidepressants

As I said in this post; “Chit-chat April,” I would talk separately a little further, about me coming off my antidepressants. I have been on Sertraline 50mg for over 2 years. During that time, there have been occasions with support of my doctor to lower them, so I would eventually come off them.
From November 2016, I started to take one every other day, but in June 2017, I was back to one a day, after my review with my doctor. (I was at the dose of one every other day at that point still.) My doctor was hoping originally at this point for me to come off them, but when I explained about work, (the old place that I have finally left,) and how it was making me feel, which made me concerned because I was also learning to drive and I did not want to have my ‘wobble,’ he let me stay on them, but back at one a day. When I was ready to, I could go back to one every other day and keep lowering when I felt right to.
At the time I was deciding to start one every other day again, I received the devastating news about my cousin and her husband, so I knew this would not be a wise time to start. I then days after the funeral, find out about the disgusting truth of an ex, so as much as reducing was on my mind, I knew this was still not the right time.

After the first week of my new job, I decided now was the time to go one every other day. I stayed at this dosage for the rest of the first month of the new year and I felt great, so I decided to take one every two days, after that. Again, I felt great and so it went to every three days.
Near the end of March, I started to take my tablet every four days which then the withdrawal side effects were showing, after first week of doing this. I knew I was stable, but I did not quite feel right and my balance mainly felt really off. I looked it up and apparently other people have felt off-balance when coming off them.
Later, which at this stage I had been on this dosage now for just over a week with same symptoms but not feeling any worser I decided at this point, I wasn’t going to continue at this dosage. So I stopped and just let my symptoms ride out. My last antidepressant taken  was on 4th April 2018. The side effects that I could not describe went on for another week and sometimes I found it was best to just be by myself at the odd times, as I was a touch sensitive I noticed at times. In total, the worst of it was gone in two weeks, so not as long as I thought it would last. This left only my balance issue, which is now easing off I have noticed this past week. I am feeling good, I am happy and feeling positive, which I know from my readers, that this has shown already in my past posts. 🙂

As I have mentioned before in another post, do not come off any of your medication without first seeking advice from your doctor. My medication was only for short-term use, which I ended up being on it longer, due to my personal mental health issues.

Some of the withdrawal effects include:

  • dizziness or headaches
  • tingling feelings like pins and needles or numbness
  • sleep disturbances (vivid dreams, nightmares, not being able to sleep)
  • feeling anxious or agitated
  • feeling sick or being sick
  • shaking

These symptoms should go after 2-3 weeks for most people, but a few people can get 2-3 months or more.
Most people get mild symptoms, but for a very few people they can be very intense.

I would like to add that coming off medication is not for everyone and not everyone can do this. As much as my mum would like to come off hers, she can’t, because she has been on them all her life. This is why you must always speak to your doctor, who can advise, help and support you. Do not do anything rash, as this can make you ill.

Day 20 of the #blurtselfcareathon – Letter

Writing letters have been part of my self-care, while having counselling 2 years ago. It was a new way of trying things for me, which at first, I thought this would not work. But I gave it a go and realised just how helpful it was to me.  So without explaining further in this post, I thought I would share some old posts instead.

The post, “Continuing forward in my wellbeing journey” and “Continuing forward in my wellbeing journey – the next part,” were in the early days of blogging, so these posts comes with a content warning. The posts do not show my actual letters I written to my dad, or my dog Brin, as these were very personal to me and the start of my healing journey. But it explains my process with this. Since then, I have used the letter writing technique and those I have shared on my blog. These I share below, as a reminder:

 

#blurtselfcareathon #theblurtfoundation #mentalhealth #selfcare