Craving quietness

The last two weeks I have been craving quietness. I just want silence. This quietness I seek has come on even stronger this past week. So with this and how my body has felt at times the past week, I am looking forward to peace and quiet, where I can with what ever gentle, in between.

I really wish others knew this about me…

I’m not boring and I am approachable

People in the past and some probably now, not that I don’t care what others think now like I once did, but some thought I was going to be boring. These were proved wrong and they held their hands up to their wrong assumptions. The conclusion to why they thought I would be boring, was because of me being quiet and also how I was dressed, as this particular occasion was my hen night, all those years ago. (The first relationship, that I was abused in.)
I would like you to know that I am not boring because I am quiet to start with and you will find me approachable, should you choose to speak to me. We may even find common ground.

I do have a sense of humour

Just because you may find me quiet at first, as I have mentioned​ above, when it comes to talking to me, you will also discover I do have a sense of humour.

I people watch

I people watch sometimes. Imagining what they may be like. Observing their relationships with their family, or friends.
I especially like seeing elderly couples holding hands, while walking in the street. It’s so lovely to see and I wonder just how many years they may have been together.

Just because I have an invisible disability, doesn’t mean it don’t exist.

I am deaf and, I have depression and anxiety.

Unless my hair is tied up, you won’t see my hearing aids, until I mention I have a hearing loss.
People say, ‘ I speak ok,’ but like my hidden disability, it doesn’t mean I am not deaf. I am deaf, but to hear you better, I have to see your face to lipread, while hearing what I can with my hearing aids.
I would also like to add that my hearing aids assist me, but they don’t magically give back my hearing I once had. I also watch your face expression and your body language.
I will need you to be patient with me, as I may need you to repeat if I miss something and I will be very appreciative of this.
I will be able to tell if you don’t have the patience to chat with me, don’t want to be there in general. I may also pick up on if you are not feeling yourself, which if I do, I am known to ask if you are ok

Depression is another invisible disability. On the surface, I may seem fine to you, but underneath, I could be the total opposite.
My depression is not bad like it used to be. Being in a new job has helped greatly, as well as counselling for other matters already blogged about here.

I have anxiety and depending how it is, you may see it, or you may not. Again, like my depression, it’s not bad as it was, but it does like to creep up more, than my depression.

I can sketch

From the age of 9 to early 20’s, I was regular sitting at a table sketching. After that, I stopped, until the artist side of me crept out again with ‘Sharpie Sunday’s‘ and other prompts. Although it’s not got me back to my sketching route I once did. I would like to though.
I am not saying I am good to sell as an artist, but if I had kept it up as I once did, then they may have been.

One time, I couldn’t look in a full-length mirror

I hated looking at myself in a full-length mirror one time. This started after I left the first relationship. Although I don’t own a full-length mirror still, I know I wouldn’t have a problem looking in one.

I give 100% in the workplace

I give 100% in the workplace, but sometimes I will give a 110%, because I love my workplace so much.

What do you wish others knew about you?

Blog post re-share: My Mind’s Junk-Drawer — Untangled

I love this post when I came across it and it helped to look at myself in a different way. It made me smile at what was my irritations, until now. It gave me some perspective and not to get too annoyed with myself. My mind has a junk-drawer and I sometimes cannot find, or lose stuff in my junk drawer.

Do you have a junk-drawer?

We have a “junk-drawer” in our kitchen. It’s the drawer where coupons, batteries, a hammer, screwdriver, pliers, tape measures, a flashlight, matches, lighters, cat-nip, and the assorted 1/2 used birthday candle packages lay scattered about. It’s a small drawer, but it seems, it has the room of Mary Poppins magic bag. It holds everything and […]

via My Mind’s Junk-Drawer — Untangled

Continuing self-care and the flat

So with anxiety still creeping in at times, which I am hating right now, as I deal with this flat I may move into.
I am liking everything I hear so far and once I have something in writing, which is regards to the ceiling in the flat showing a long crack, which is probably subsidence, that I would like to be fixed. So if the landlord does this, I will know he is a good landlord.
I also waiting on queries about some other fees I seen on estate agents website, which the woman I am communicating with, has not worked there long, so she will get back to me on this, when she asks them about that.
There is also something I know that they do, that I have not come across before, hence asking lots of questions so I understand how that works.

The self-care I give myself, I see will continue greatly, due to my anxiety creeping in, since Friday and deciding to stay.

I had to go to bed early last night, as I had a really bad headache that felt it was creeping to migraine. I have not done myself any favours though, as I ate more chocolate than normal and it can, if I eat a fair amount in a sitting, give me a migraine.

I woke up with bruising on my right arm. The bruising will be from Saturday. I have gripped my arm that much through anxiety, I have bruised myself. I have done this before, but a very long time ago.
As before when I once done it and now this time, I was never aware of me doing this. But I have the bruise to show.

As I finish off writing this post, which has been created slowly over the last few hours, my sickness has gone, as well as the headache. The anxiety is still there though.
I thought my anxiety had calmed a little since making it known in an email Friday and a couple of emails today, that I am interested in the property. I will let the estate agents know what ever I decide, when they have updated me accordingly.
The anxiety creeps in big time, at times. So I am hoping what ever the decision I make, it calms down.

Blog post re-share: Anxiety “Hot Spots”

Here is something that is visually helpful. Although I am aware of these anxiety hot spots, I have never seen it presented this way before, which makes it better reading, I think. 😊

Living Resiliently Blog

When I get stressed (as I am right now. I’ve been having them more frequently like I did in my childhood) my stomach hurts so much…as if I’m about to develop an ulcer or something. When you’re in the heat of the moment, it’s hard to tell how “tightly” you are clinching the rest of your body….until after the fact. So how do you unwind yourself after undergoing such a stressful moment, especially if the stress is still causing your body deep discomfort?

Well, I found this online on “Instagram” in hopes that it well you as it’s helping me (I’m trying the letting go “of gripping in your stomach” right now. It feels good, but my stomach hurts!). Also if you have a picture to “see” where the pain is, instead of just feeling it—’cause sometimes feeling it makes it well…worse—it can help you better tend to your pain…

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Blog post re-share: “Mental Health or Mental Illness?”

I mainly say “mental health,” as I don’t like saying mental illness for some reason. (Maybe it goes back to my childhood,when my mum had her breakdown, that I don’t like it.) But over in this post, that Katie written, at her blog, “How I Killed Betty,” I like the word, “emotional health.” Click here, to take you to her blog post, for more read on this topic.

The unknowing pressure I put on myself.

Since this post To have a home, I have realised I have put unknowing pressure on myself. I did not realise, until after I aired that post.
As I have said in that post, all I want is a home, whether buy, or a council property. But after realising it would not be achievable buying a home and, that a council place would be more likely and so accepting this, as I said in that post, I have felt pressure ease off myself.
I have been aware in the past of unnecessary pressure, even though at the time, I felt that the pressure was good for me then, to keep going. But this pressure, I was not aware of doing it, until letting the idea go and feeling more free.

I felt this unnecessary pressure let go even further and feeling more free, after writing More experiences.

It is so easy to put pressure on ourselves, but have you ever not been aware, until later, like I did?