Naive?

(Content warning: Swearing and talk of abuse.)

The following happened some months ago.

An old neighbour from the last street I used to live on, if we ever passed each other, we would always say hello, or some small chat. I’m sure he has seen my ex boyfriend, (the sick fucker who is now jailed,) as the way he sometimes used to speak, he would talk about others that lived not far from us, or next door to me. (Some would say nosey, but I would say neighbourly for him.) But going by his expression, he did not know my ex, which is surprise, as I had lived on that street for years.
Anyway, when I told him the sick news I discovered about the ex and knowing about how I had been in an abusive relationship before, he said, was I naive? I reacted very badly as you can imagine and I said I wasn’t naive, instead he played a very good act or whatever you want to call it.
But later in the day, this question he said about me being naive, was nearly imprinting on my mind and playing games with me. Self-doubt decided to also pay a visit and lots of questions gong round in my head; questions that either only the ex could answer. But would he? I’d fucking smack him one, before he would answer, cos I know I would blow my top in a way I have never experienced before in my life. I would be hugely triggered, if my eyes ever met him again.
But the other questions were my self-doubt questions that I had stopped before when I first discovered about the ex; questioning about past relationships, nearly asking that question, am I fucking naive and don’t know it? What is fucking wrong with me? How can I go from an abusive relationship and years after, enter another who I thought was caring, but underneath all that, he had a dark secret and turned out to be fucking like that?

But no, I wasn’t fucking naive. I can certainly answer that!

6 thoughts on “Naive?

    1. I got to say, since this conversation with the neighbour from the other street, I have not spoken to him since. Well I have, kind of, it was an hello and head quickly back down, when he came into a cafe to eat, where I was waiting for mine. But I think from the look of his face, he knows I won’t be speaking again, because of my reaction. When he sat down, I could see out of the corner of my eye, that he was looking my way and when I left, I never looked his way at all. If he said cheerio, I did not hear him. I don’ want to make conversation again anymore with him.

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    2. I’d agree with that – he’s an asshole.
      It’s very easy for someone else to opine on a situation they weren’t in, that they haven’t experienced, and in doing so make them feel better about themselves. Stick your ground and if you don’t want further conversation with this *insert chosen swear word!* then don’t, he doesn’t deserve further comments from you anyway because it’s none of his business, Liz. xx

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      1. It’s surprising he came out with such a thing in he first place. He is an older gentlemen, so he has plenty of life experience. I was shocked for a second, but only a second before my tone changed. I shan’t speak again and I shall avoid him. If I do speak, it will be an hello and leave it to that, if he’s lucky.

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    1. Yes it was and for someone who it was always nice to say hello to and small chat when passing since leaving that lovely street, it totally shocked me. But this changes things for me now, with it bringing up such raw emotion later and some triggers. There is now way I can do small chat with him and a hello on the card seems impossible too. Luckily, I hardly bump into him, as I used to. xx

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